The key to solving a problem is how you deal with it.

“The problem is not the problem. It's all about how you treat her."

Capt. Jack Sparrow

Things rarely go according to plan in our lives. But no matter how our path develops, all difficulties strengthen our character and help us become better. In addition, the challenges we face from time to time make us appreciate victories even more and make us look at the world around us differently. And today's world dictates completely different rules, which makes it almost impossible not to encounter certain types of difficulties.

The key to solving a problem is how you deal with it. Therefore, read on for our tips that can help you keep your faith in yourself in the next difficult period, when it seems to you that everything around you is falling apart.

11 things to remember when everything falls apart

1. Other people's problems are not yours.

If you are used to empathizing with other people, then you probably feel that only you can solve their problems. However, this behavior can lead to complete exhaustion, and others will begin to perceive you as a personal psychologist or therapist who can be called at any time of the day or night. Of course, showing compassion and support for others is very important, but you need to find a balance between helping others and helping yourself.

2. Don't stop! Everything is going as it should.

Even if you feel that life is just a series of disasters between short periods of calm, don't give up! All these difficulties serve to test ourselves, to make us better. They allow us to better deal with future problem situations and learn valuable life lessons. Without struggle, we will not grow and develop as a person.

3. Pain is temporary.

Any situation does not last forever: whether it's a difficult breakup, the struggle for financial stability, family quarrels, or something else. No matter what you may have experienced before, calm down and remember that you alone are the master of your emotions. You can emerge from any situation as a winner and turn that pain into an opportunity for growth.

4. Your pain gives you purpose.

Spiritual teachers of the past used to say that people only attract bad situations and pain if they themselves led a negative lifestyle and polluted their mind with relevant thoughts. This may not always be true, but often any negative situation can be seen as a valuable tool for our own learning and experience for testing ourselves.

5. Take time to pray or recharge with positive energy.

Whatever you may be facing, try to look at the better side of the situation and look to your angels or spirit guides for higher wisdom. They will help ease your hardships or worries, giving you new energy so you can get through it all. Prayer will remind you that everything on Earth is subject to complex mysterious and cosmic factors that we cannot always understand.

6. Worry creates more problems, but faith transforms.

No amount of worry will change the situation. This will only cause you more pain and increase the influence of negative energy, creating more obstacles in your life. Save positive thinking and hope that the Universe has rewarded you with a test in order to pass it and become better.

7. Perhaps you should do exactly what you are afraid to do.

The only way to encourage personal growth- leave your comfort zone behind. Sometimes, you need to test and test the limits of your own capabilities in order to find out how hardy you are and discover something new in yourself. You can unearth a new passion in the depths of yourself and those things that you did not even think about and did not know before. Conquer your fears and get better.

8. Bad days make you appreciate the good ones even more.

Without the bad days, you wouldn't even know that the good ones exist, because everything would turn into one solid gray mass. The funniest thing about life is that we cannot experience pleasure without pain, sorrow, struggle, etc. We live in a dualistic reality, meaning we experience opposite sides of the same spectrum in most of our lives. Appreciate the experience this world has to offer, because often the worst things will bring out the best in you.

9. Remember that you have enough influence and power over your life.

You don't have to be a victim of circumstance or give up. You are in complete control of your life and can easily turn a bad situation into a good one. Keep in mind that rainbows only appear after rain, so you must weather the storm to live happily ever after.

10. If you allow yourself to think negatively, then again put yourself in front of others as a victim.

11. Don't worry, we all have our ups and downs.

Just look ahead and keep going. The next time you feel overwhelmed by pressure modern life, just remember that you and millions of others are in the same position. The best thing you can and should do is to actively participate in your life and do what you like, what you love without huge pressure.

Keep calm and keep moving on

"The most important decision you can make is to be in a good mood"

What to do when everything is bad - how to act in a difficult period of life, when it seems that everything is falling apart.

Everyone in life has periods when everything collapses, falls out of hand and everything only gets worse.

Doors close before you, friends turn away, life turns into hell. And it seems like nothing good can ever happen. It can only get worse. How to act and how to behave in this difficult period"black stripe"?

What to do when everything is very bad

Step 1 - Don't panic or get discouraged

The more we panic, the more we make mistakes and worsen our situation. Despondency and depression take away the strength to deal with circumstances. Keeping your cool is difficult, but it will be the surest thing to do under the circumstances.

Step 2 - Don't fight with anyone

In such periods, everyone usually has nerves on the aisle and it’s easy to break loose on someone. But in order not to be left alone in difficult times, it’s better not to swear at your friends and relatives if possible, they will be very useful to you. You should also not swear with the people you meet on the street on the bus, etc., they simply respond to your negative attitude towards life. Treat people with the utmost compassion and understanding. This will protect you from a lot of unpleasant moments.

Step 3 - Keep smiling

Of course, everything goes to hell, but this does not mean that life ends. It just happens, something that needs to be experienced. A smile, even the most artificial one, will help you cope with your emotional state. The fact is that the position of the muscles of the face is interconnected with the release of certain hormones in our body. That is, when serotonin is produced in our body, we involuntarily begin to smile, no matter how hard we try to restrain ourselves. You can also achieve the opposite success. If you pull even the most artificial smile on your face and maintain this position for 5-10 minutes, you will notice that your mood will improve significantly. Perhaps this will not clarify your position, but it will obviously be easier to think.

Step 4 - Trust that things will get better

No matter how strange it may sound in our materialistic time, faith is half the way to success. Believe me, it's not too much either. Believing in something, without noticing it yourself, you form a certain energy impulse that is thrown into external world. This impulse will definitely return to you in the form of a random decision, advice or assistant. This is how the special energy of our consciousness works, since the world is a huge organism in which everything is interconnected and mutually attractive.

Step 5 - Humble yourself and accept what is happening for granted

It is sometimes very difficult for us to understand what is happening in the right light. We simply cannot know why something that we basically liked and suited is collapsing. Why are there such drastic changes? However, in order to build something stronger and larger, first of all, the old one should be destroyed, no matter how unpleasant this fact may seem to us.

Remember your youth. How we wanted something and how angry we were when we couldn't get it or do it. Remember how grateful you were later when you realized what consequences all this could lead to. But this realization, unfortunately, does not come immediately. It takes time and patience. Therefore, no matter how difficult and bitter it is for you now, just know that there are logical reasons for this.

Even after the most terrible storm, the sun always peeks out. The main thing to remember about this and not to forget during the very middle of the abyss of unpleasant events.

Here is an interesting letter: " Hello Olga! My personal life has completely fallen apart. The soul is empty and it is unrealistic to even think about any love.
I loved my husband very much, I did not demand anything in return (as you write), I only gave everything I could, and I could move mountains.
Do you know what the result is after 16 years of marriage?
We live like neighbors, we are all in debt, we always have no money, we don’t go anywhere, we’ve only been on vacation once, we don’t have a home owner, we’re not accustomed to it, and we don’t want to and we’re too lazy to do it, we sleep in different rooms, we haven’t had close relationships for several years , and he cares about all this.
And what now, how to live and what to believe?
And I just hate him - this is the result of my selfless love. Sincerely, Galina.
__________________________
Answer: Galina, hello! You touched on a very important issue: giving love and sacrifice. At first glance, there is a payoff in both cases. In fact, the difference is huge!
Giving love implies freedom! Inner freedom.
You can give from an excess, or you can give from a lack of love, as if in advance.
Often we treat another expecting reciprocity, we believe that a person will understand, appreciate and return back what he received! Real love never ends in hate.
But dependence, attachment, when passion subsides, when the conflict of desires and a sense of duty escalates, often turns into negative experiences.

Most frequently asked question to me: “I gave him all of myself, and he in return ... nothing!”- this reproach towards the man suggests that the woman has lost herself in family relationships! The most important thing is forgotten - we are in relationships in order to develop! You can't make someone else happy and still be unhappy. It doesn’t happen like that - “playing with one goal”, this is a mistake - giving all of yourself without a trace, you raise the other in your own, and in his eyes too!
Forgetting about yourself as a woman, and at the same time “disinterestedly” loving a man, in fact, means that another person becomes the meaning of life.
They put him on the “throne”, they literally serve him - they serve coffee, wash their feet ... But, in return, they expect generous gifts from him, or at least mercy ...
Even if they don’t talk about it out loud, then, all the same, they are waiting!
This is reminiscent of giving alms with the thought that a certain sin atoned for, with the expectation that now you will be rewarded for your generosity ... Not a very honest act, is it?
By his “good” deeds with a share of sober calculation, believing that someday he will appreciate and understand, putting the other person in some kind of dependence on such an “advance of kindness” and at the same time noting to himself, somewhere in his mind - a plus, and to him - a minus , imperceptibly gaining superiority, we leave him only humiliation, without suspecting it!
Let him see how kind and attentive, generous and caring I am!
But then, where does the discontent come from, why does irritation and the expectation of the return of kindness grow, when your kindness has become a habit, insults and reproaches suddenly arise?
Think about why they say: “The road to hell is paved with self-sacrifice!”, Is it because no one needs such sacrifices!

Any most grateful in response to you will say to your lamentations: - “But I didn’t ask you about this!”

It is hard to imagine a good relationship where there is no balance of giving and receiving, not pulling the blanket, but a mutual union of equal partners! Such relationships will be harmonious.
Some women refer to the fact that they have dissolved in their husband, he is their idol and they are ready to serve him forever - faithfully.
Then do not complain, do not be offended and do not reproach your partner for the youth and feelings you have wasted.
To demand nothing at all in return is also a form of sacrifice. It is important for a woman to be able to ask, but not through tears and suffering, but through her feminine uniqueness and wisdom.
As they say wise people: “He won’t understand for the good, for the bad - you certainly won’t force him!”
Learn to ask like a woman, and not demand by force, through reproaches and threats, ultimatums - if you don’t do it right now, then I’ll leave and so on ...
There are many ways to get the desired result - negotiations, communication experience, constant interaction with a partner and, of course, mutual respect. But just do not need a scandal and tearful scenes with reproaches ...

When one person in a family does absolutely everything, it sometimes happens that the other does not even realize that they want something from him or look forward to when he finally guesses and understands! ...

If, however, to be more attentive and sensitive to the world around you, to notice what is happening and draw conclusions, then you can change your life for the better!
If, however, let everything that happens by the will of the waves take its course, then you will have to understand that we have what we deserve.
No one is to blame that everything is very bad ...
No one needs to give all of himself ... This is how responsibility for one's own life is removed. Nobody needs to be addicted. The words sound strange: “I can’t live without him!”
I would like to hear “I don’t want to live without him”, but what is it - I can’t, unless the conversation is about disability, the helplessness of a loved one !?
Putting another in dependence on oneself, it is easy to fall into a terrible situation, zombification, attachment to another person. This is slavery, not harmony in relationships with a partner.
Another option for a relationship is to go through life together, but not lose yourself in the process. Keep a reasonable distance.
But for this option you need to have inner freedom and courage. Understanding the “We” state, we are together because we are growing.
If relationships are devoid of growth, like a plant closed from the sun and water, without attention and care, such relationships die, like all living things.

If there is no relationship, why be there and torture each other?

There is no need to think about anyone, but about yourself first of all. “What do I want, what worries me, what is happening to me, why? ”
And honestly answer such questions to yourself. Then there will be inner personal growth.
All life on earth grows and is created by universal love for further development.
When there is no love, relationships do not develop, stagnation lasts, decay and death occur, then it heals and overgrows, like a forgotten and crushed reservoir.
If, in your family, problems drag on for many years, it is most likely that there is no harmony in the relationship at all. There is only coexistence for the sake of some purpose, perhaps a temporary, and sometimes aimless existence and the expectation of life changes from somewhere, all of a sudden, one day, someone or something will change your present and finally some water will flow under the pebble ...
Now the most important thing is your question:
- "What to believe and how to live?"
Firstly, “let off steam”, live through all the emotions, let go of grievances at will, you have accumulated quite a few of them, you don’t need to save them further, there is nowhere to store them!
Track your thoughts. We get in life what we believe in! If you don't believe in anything, who will believe you?
- If you don't listen, who will hear you?
Start giving. Give love, respect and joy. Because you have it!
Do not regret the feelings shown and your love and kindness! Love will return to you, giving once only a drop - you will receive two in return!
Reveal yourself as a woman who fell asleep, whom you forgot when you turned your mountains of business and fuss ...
We must stop living for others and even think so, since we all live only for ourselves and everything we do is primarily for ourselves, for our self-esteem!
Don't try your best to be good, just be yourself. So be versatile.
Eliminate any sacrifice from your life.
If the relationship does not quite suit you today, but nevertheless continues, you can do at least three ways:
1. Leave everything as it is and suffer further or not suffer at all, but accept the unavoidable circumstance in your life.
2. Drop everything and leave, leave ... You can't run from yourself. You can run away from an unlearned lesson, but then you won’t move up the level, and you’ll be left to relive it all over again. The lesson you didn’t pass will return to you in a different form, with a different person, with similar situations ... And the problems will return again.
3. Take responsibility, understand - you deserve what you have now such a result. But do not blame yourself or condemn your husband. No need to engage in self-flagellation, search and "eating the guilty." You just need to realize that now you want to change everything!
Remember - If a person has a desire, then he has the opportunity to achieve the desired result.
Look for means and opportunities, correct mistakes.
By changing yourself, you will notice that the world around you has suddenly imperceptibly changed for the better!
Start changing yourself, and the world and your environment will change for the better.
After such a radical cleaning and change, the spouses, as a rule, reconcile and live in perfect harmony or part painlessly, clearly understanding that now, each of them has their own path in different directions.

Good luck in your endeavors!

I wish you wisdom and love!

What to do when your life flies into hell? Business is collapsing, work is nowhere to be found, long-term relationships are broken, friends and girlfriends are leaving... Are you increasingly seized by bewilderment, fear, panic, which are gradually replaced by impotence and emptiness?

A year and a half ago, strange things began to happen to me. Almost in a couple of months, all the clients left me one by one. Then friends, girlfriends, acquaintances gradually began to disappear. Moreover, we did not quarrel, did not swear, we simply stopped communicating, calling and meeting with each other. New clients were not found in any way (this is with my huge work experience, with connections and an excellent portfolio). Money melted.

My enthusiasm is optimistic too. At first, I blamed the notorious financial crisis for everything, which began exactly at the very time when the last client left me. However, this was far from the first financial crisis in my life (to put it mildly, there were more abrupt ones), and each time I managed to find a job for myself and never suffered from lack of money. There was something strange going on here! The usual strategies for achieving goals did not work. My commercial offers, meetings and negotiations did not bring the expected result. Gradually, I began to get the feeling that I was hitting my forehead against the wall, and I was unlikely to be able to break through it. And only one question loomed in my head: “What is going on anyway?”

And then one day I accidentally stumbled on the Internet to a video lecture by Isset Kotelnikova "Levels of Spiritual Development". It was this lecture that immediately answered the question that had been tormenting me for a long time, and indeed radically changed my idea of ​​the spiritual development of man. According to this theory, there are as many as seven levels of spiritual development. Conventionally, they are called in accordance with the colors of the rainbow: "red", "orange", "yellow", "green", "blue", "blue", "violet". The lowest level of spiritual development is “red”, the highest is “purple”. In society, "blue" and "violet" are not represented.

Therefore, the maximum level of spiritual development for a "mere mortal" is blue. I will not write about all the levels in this article. I will only talk about the third and fourth, since it is the transition from the “yellow” level to the “green” that is especially painful for a person. So, people of the “yellow” level of spiritual development. What are they? Ambitious, vain, assertive, strong-willed and purposeful. Once they set a goal, they will achieve it in all possible ways.

Barriers and obstacles do not frighten them, rather spur them on. They clearly know what they want, they plan perfectly, set deadlines, distribute tasks to subordinates. Workaholics to the core. Power and influence, in their opinion, is the main thing to strive for. At this level, the ego is greatly inflated.

For the "yellows" it is important to feel their own importance, uniqueness and originality. Of great importance for them is the status, position, position in society, the impression that they make on the people around them. Their vocabulary is replete with the words "professionalism", "efficiency", "success", "reputation", "image". They sincerely believe that it is they who rule the world and the outcome of the work begun depends only on them.

It would not be superfluous to say that in addition to external success, such a worldview of the “yellows” also rewards you with a rather uncomfortable internal state: constant concern about your own image, the obligation to meet certain standards, the fear of not being up to par, the fear of losing influence and power, the need to be constantly competitive and in demand. Quite a large number of people live on this level and do not think to leave it.

However, there are those for whom "life in the image" and the eternal pursuit of success begins to weigh. And then a higher power comes to their aid. And at first, carefully, and then more firmly, they begin to guide them to the next level of spiritual development. The "green" level is the level of ego grinding. When it becomes more important for a person not himself, but what he does.

He begins to ask questions: "Who am I really and why did I come into this world?". This is where the theme of service comes in. The system of values, the idea of ​​the world order, and life in general, are changing. Personal interests, benefits and ambitions fade into the background, the main thing is the fulfillment of one's destiny. Illusions are shattered, stereotypes are broken, lies are exposed.

The Voice of the Soul grows louder. The ego is slowly fading away. The search for a real self, a real relationship, a real business begins. At the “green” level, control disappears, trust in the universe appears, a feeling that everything is happening as it should. People of the first three levels of spiritual development ("red", "orange", "yellow") come to this world in order to work out their own tasks. The task of people, starting from the "green" level, is to awaken other people and change the world around them.

The "green" level is divided into three parts. In the first part: people are still quite "yellow", they learn to humble their ego and submit to the will of God. Next comes point zero. That's exactly where I got to a year ago. And it is about her that I will tell you more. "Point zero".

According to my observations, "point zero" is a period of lessons, without passing which a person cannot move further along his path. After all, we so often complain about higher powers that they say they are stingy and do not give us what we ask for. But in fact, these are not higher powers that are stingy. It is we who are unable to accept what they send us, due to our fears, illusions, limiting beliefs, addictions. Therefore, at the “zero point”, everything that he is strongly attached to or associates with is taken away from a person, leaving him only the most necessary.

If the status of a businessman is important to you, then most likely your business will collapse. If you cannot live without your beloved man, they will take this man (and not necessarily to another world. He can simply go to another woman). At this stage, a person learns to live without fear of loneliness, without fear of being left without money, without fear of “losing face”, being rejected, being funny, being strange.

Image, reputation, brands, show-offs and other dregs go as unnecessary. And it is replaced by inner freedom from any stereotypes and opinions, awareness of one's own purpose and meaning of life, the desire to follow one's own path, a sense of security and the comprehensive support of higher powers.

It is at this stage that a new life strategy is developed. There is no longer a thoughtless race for achievements, no goal-setting and strict adherence to the assigned plan. There is no screaming ego, but there is quiet voice souls. Suddenly there is a feeling that there is someone more wise and strong, who guides and admonishes you. And you just have to relax, listen to the voice of your higher self, follow it and trust it.

As I said, "point zero" is the passage of unlearned lessons. This is all that slows us down, stops us, limits us. In Isset Kotelnikova's lecture, these lessons are called "tails", but I call them "weights" that hang on your feet, constantly pulling you down, and do not leave a single chance to climb a new, higher peak. Now I will talk about my "weights".

I managed to get rid of some of them completely, some of them - partially. The most difficult "weight" for me was the fear of being left without a job and without money. He haunted me always, from the very moment when I started working. And it was this fear that prevented me from changing the scope of my activity and starting to do what I love.

For the past few years, I have just earned my living, not seeing much point in what I do, and only dreamed that someday I would do what I really like and get pleasure and a decent reward from it. Once at the “zero point”, I was left without a single client and practically without money, but at the same time I had a lot of free time to realize my old dream.

I began to collaborate as a freelance writer with various publications, writing articles on psychology and self-development. They began to pay fees to me (albeit small ones). But, as I wrote above, at the “zero point” everything is taken away from a person, leaving him only the most necessary for a decent life. And it is precisely when you are in this position that you simply begin to feel with your skin how higher powers take care of you and your well-being.

It is at this moment that the trust of the Universe is formed, a clear conviction appears that the fears of lack of money and poverty are a product of our ego, nothing more. And that when a person really gets on his way, he receives great support from God and he really has nothing to fear. You can safely take risks, experiment, change, fulfill your destiny.

At this stage, another of my weighty “weights” fell off - my total control over everything that happens in my life, and in the world around me. I suddenly felt that many of my desires, plans, judgments are simply ridiculous compared to what events and opportunities life has prepared for me. Therefore, I let go of my expectations, stopped thinking about guarantees and insurance, relaxed and began to respond to the offers that the Universe throws at me. Another one of my former multi-ton “weights” is the fear of “losing face”.

This is my long-term habit to give the impression of a successful and sought-after professional and maintain an appropriate image. But when starting a new business or mastering new profession, it is impossible to immediately become a professional. First you need to learn, gain experience, make mistakes, fall, rise and go again. It was this “weight” that turned out to be a stumbling block in my desire to change professional sphere activities.

Plus a bunch of societal beliefs, such as “being unemployed is a shame”, “it’s stupid to start everything from scratch at the age of 35”, etc. Now I already understand that “image” is a completely “yellow” word. When you start to accept yourself, hear yourself, feel yourself, it becomes absolutely violet, how others perceive you, whether you meet any standards, whether they consider you " effective employee' or 'tough professional'.

Your well-being and self-awareness, your inner world, the value of yourself, your time, energy and life in general acquires greater significance. The next “weight” that falls off is the expectation of inspiration. For some reason it seemed to me that it was necessary to write easily and quickly, when letters fly out from under the “pen” and themselves add up to words and sentences. The "torments of creativity" did not attract me. Of course, writing while in the flow is great, and perhaps the best writing comes out when you are in that state. But, as it turned out, inspiration is not always favorable to me.

And sometimes you just have to work hard. Realizing this, I finally began to blog and try to do it regularly. Still, discipline and diligence are an excellent legacy of the “yellow level”, which can be used on the “green” level as well. In general, it is worth noting that a rather interesting and contradictory situation has developed. On the one hand, there is a lack of work and a severe lack of money, which, in theory, should greatly overshadow life. And on the other hand - a feeling of incredible happiness, lightness, the joy of living every moment of your life and a clear feeling that you are taken care of, that you are loved, that they are waiting for you ...

Several years ago I got into a dead end. It seemed to me that my life is falling apart. I lost sleep, I felt unusually unhappy and lonely. I couldn’t tell anyone about this, because the usual reaction would be: “You yourself don’t know what you want. You have a wonderful family, husband, son. When you graduate, you have a bright future ahead of you. What else does?" And I was afraid to approach the railing of the bridge ...

In this state, I came to a psychotherapist. And he said to me: "You know, you are very average person just mediocre. You must understand this." Despite all my condition, I was indignant internally: good advice! After all, I already felt insignificant, useless to anyone. Inspire yourself to do this on purpose? This will crush me completely.

But amazing things began to happen. As I thought about my mediocrity, I couldn't help but think about it. Mironenko was the highest authority for me. - some prospects, horizons were revealed that I did not suspect.

Instead of a state of humiliation, worthlessness (and what could be expected from such advice?), I began to feel a surge of strength, I felt inspired. I defended myself perfectly, heard all sorts of words about the significance of my work. Now, apparently, I will take up a doctorate. And she began to look at her family differently: what happiness it is, only for their sake it is worth living. Conversations with Alexander Semenovich opened up a new world for me.

I understand what was hidden behind Mironenko's unexpected remark: he knew more about this woman than she knew about herself. He saw in her the main, destructive trait for her, which she did not even suspect, and if anyone had told her about it, she would have been terribly surprised: vanity. It was expressed in an overestimation of one's own significance: oh, what a good mother, wife - and a good worker she is! But at some point, she felt that all this was not so ... And then, with all her physical and mental strength, she began to reach for the invented ideal. The desire to "match" him made her tough, uncompromising towards herself. She did not understand that she was cornering her nervous system. The payoff was depression. By the way, Mironenko did not even think to take away hope from his patient. He simply cleared this hope of hypertrophied claims, a falsely understood sense of duty, and internal conflicts. And then the hope, indeed, spread its wings, was realized. The world has become brighter.

But can every woman expect help?

We parted at the trolleybus stop.

Farewell, - the woman says and smiles. She wishes happiness for the whole world, because she herself is happy. I look at her and think that maybe this smile is also addressed to the person who helped her find the joy of life. Not everyone is so lucky.